On my journey with Christ I have considered myself many things: a redeemed, rescued, forgiven, beloved child of God; Jesus’s friend; Jesus’s co-laborer in the world; God’s handiwork created in His image. But rarely have I identified with being a “contemplative,” one like Mary who pondered all that she had heard and witnessed surrounding the coming of Jesus. Now, that may sound strange for one so deeply drawn to the ethos of Coracle with its passion for spiritual formation and kingdom action as two inseparable dimensions of companionship with Jesus. Yet, I have long struggled with the challenge of trying to live out of a unified place of heart and mind. My proclivity has been towards introspection, ceaselessly trying to work out my feelings and desires in my head. But as Leanne Payne has helped me see, endless introspection, self-analysis, and critique can be deadly.
So what distinguishes contemplation from introspection? I’m discovering that they are actually quite the opposite. Rather than fixating on myself, contemplation invites me to turn my gaze up and out to the source of all that is good, true, and beautiful: God Himself. God invites me to posture myself to listen to His voice speaking to me through His Word rather than always sitting in analytical judgment of the text and of myself. I’m learning to take time to listen in prayer for God’s heart rather than just speak out of my fluctuating desires and longings. What an amazing gift to turn my eyes towards Him, especially during this season of waiting and watching for Jesus’s coming.
I am grateful for companions who help me slow down, pay attention, and listen for God’s voice, heightening my awareness of His presence with and around me. I’ve long been captured by C.S. Lewis’s words in Letters to Malcolm, “We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He travels everywhere incognito.” I was only recently made aware of the lines that follow: “And the incognito is not always hard to penetrate. The real labour is to remember, to attend. In fact, to come awake. Still more, to remain awake.” With my fellow pilgrims in our Sacred Rhythms group I have had help paying attention to the One who is always with me. I am grateful for our first Advent Retreat coming up on December 10th where again, in the midst of the busyness of this time of the year, I will be able to rest and turn my gaze with friends to the very Source of my life.
This season I hope that you too may again be awakened to the Ground of your being, the Anchor of your soul in a world that desperately needs us to walk in the peace and joy and goodness of life with Jesus. May you find great delight in remembering again how truly loved you are and that we are never alone. May God bless you with great hope and peace as you turn your gaze to Him.