“Spiritual theology — or maybe I should just say the Christian life — requires dialogue.” – Eugene Peterson

“I’m drawn to conversation because in the best kind you don’t know where you’re going, only that you will get somewhere good.” – Bono

At this point we are aware that Americans are famously lonely. Famously so, because it seems that article by article, book by book, documentary by documentary we are documenting our loneliness. As an Atlantic article recently declared our current, admittedly still young, century as the “anti-social century.” They make their case for this declaration with various interesting data points and anecdotes such as a 29% increase in solo dining, or the fact that easy access to in-home entertainment, food delivery and video calls means the real revolution is increasingly not just working from home, but life from home.

Nowhere is this tendency towards digitally aided isolation more present than among the digital natives of Gen Z. Interestingly however, there seems to be a new trend that sociologists, such as Jonathan Haidt and Jean Twenge are also noting: An increase in desire for real life connection. Where fifteen years ago, our digital “social” networks were exciting and new, it turns out one generation’s digitized party has become a new generation’s digital hangover.  Increasingly the answer to the question when young people are asked “if you could go back in time and make it so that social media was never invented, would you”? The answer is “yes.”

So what is the church’s response? How does spiritual formation speak life into a lonely generation? 

So often, when we think of spiritual formation we envision individual prayer practices, journaling, retreats, and of course reading really thoughtful articles on spiritual formation, alone.

Of course much spiritual formation training takes place within the context of group retreats, where conversation is often seen as helpful to discern the practices or habits we hope to cultivate, alone.

Rarely do we think of our conversations, those invaluable, yet apparently diminishing interactions with one another themselves as a practice of spiritual formation.

John Chapter 4 relays to us the longest conversation that any person has with Jesus in the gospels. That conversation was with an unnamed “woman at the well”. While this conversation is certainly a treasure trove when it comes to the theological content of their conversation. What strikes me profoundly has to do with the form of the conversation.

First, the only way this conversation occurs is through a willingness to risk a conversation. This aspect of the conversation is highlighted by the woman’s response in verse 9 “you are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman, why are you asking me for a drink?”

Second, Jesus’ conversation with the woman communicates that who she is, is profoundly seen by him. “You are right! You don’t have a husband–for you’ve had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you are living with now.” We often think of these words by Jesus as something of a harsh prophetic jab. But how many of our conversations never reach the depth that Jesus does with this woman, because we fear welcoming truth as a companion in our conversations? After all this aspect of the conversation was what, being so remarkable to the woman, became the first thing she herself exclaimed to her fellow villagers “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did.” It seems that, on the scales of human connection, being truly known outweighs the desire to keep up appearances.

Finally, Jesus’ conversation moves beyond her simply being seen, and towards helping her to see what he sees. It begins with the words “Believe me, dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem,” and culminates in the first ever self disclosure of who Jesus really is “I am the Messiah!”

In April of 2020 as the world was scrambling into virtual chaos I wrote the article, Social Isolation: A Third Wave Looming. That article was anchored in an incredible quote by Pope Francis in his New Letter on Young People and the Church:

Whatever you do, do not become the sorry sight of an abandoned vehicle! Don’t be parked cars, but dream freely and make good decisions. Take risks, even if it means making mistakes. Don’t go through life anesthetized or approach the world like tourists. Make a ruckus! Cast out the fears that paralyze you, so that you don’t become young mummies. Live! Give yourselves over to the best of life! Open the door of the cage, go out and fly! Please, don’t take an early retirement. 

If the remainder of the 21st century proves the Atlantic Journals “Anti-Social Century” title to have been correct, then part of the church’s vocation over the next seventy five years will be to take the risk of cultivating intentional conversations as spiritual formation. 

To learn one way that I, as a minister, am currently cultivating such intentional conversations as a practice of spiritual formation check out crucon.org (password is cruconpassword). There you can learn about, and sign up to get updates regarding this brand new initiative equipping parents/pastors/mentors to engage in the all too crucial topic of Biblical wisdom amidst the digital revolution through a twelve week intergenerational conversation series.