Most Thursday evenings, throughout winter and spring, I’ve joined a listening prayer cohort at a local-to-me urban retreat center (I reside outside of Seattle, WA), which has provided a restful pause to the week’s activities. Guided by a spiritual director, we reflect on how we arrive, consider what prayer is (in the words of Teresa of Avila, “nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God”), practice lectio divina and silence, and, at the close of our time, share how we are leaving the space.

For most people this generally mirrors the pattern of arriving in some sort of anxious state and leaving reminded of one’s belovedness. For that is indeed who we are – beloved by God – as John reminds us, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (I John 3:1-2a, NIV).

Each week, our prayer leader has also shared something from Henri Nouwen’s The Inner Voice of Love, which is a collection of Nouwen’s journal entries written during a difficult time in his life. The entries are addresses to himself as he struggles, and as such, are very personal and very particular. But in them, there is wisdom to be gleaned for us on our own spiritual journeys. Last week, our guide shared the entry, “Give Your Agenda to God”, and I’ve been ruminating on it since. I share it here in the hope you also find something that speaks to you and reminds you of your belovedness and the freedom found in being beloved by God.

You are very concerned with making the right choices about your work. You have so many options that you are constantly overwhelmed by the question “What should I do and what should I not do?” You are asked to respond to many concrete needs. There are people to visit, people to receive, people to simply be with. There are issues that beg for attention, books it seems important to read, and works of art to be seen. But what of all this truly deserves your time?

Start by not allowing these people and issues to possess you. As long as you think that you need them to be yourself, you are not really free. Much of their urgency comes from your own need to be accepted and affirmed. You have to keep going back to the source: God’s love for you.

In many ways, you still want to set your own agenda. You act as if you have to choose among many things, which all seem equally important. But you have not fully surrendered yourself to God’s guidance. You keep fighting with God over who is in control.

Try to give your agenda to God. Keep saying, “Your will be done, not mine.” Give every part of your heart and your time to God and let God tell you what to do, where to go, when and how to respond. God does not want you to destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that You are doing God’s will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep sense of safety in God’s love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to in God’s name.

It is not easy to give your agenda to God. But the more you do so, the more “dock time” becomes “God’s time,” and God’s time is always the fullness of time.

If you’re sensing an invitation to experience “God’s time” in a new way, consider taking a personal or guided retreat at Corhaven, Coracle’s retreat center in the Shenandoah Valley (or closer to home if you are not in the area!). You can make a general reservation for Corhaven here. Or, you might consider our upcoming “Tech Sabbath” retreat, an intentional 24-hours to be device-free and enter a time of reflection, conversation, and rest. More details and registration info can be found here.